


hand over hand

by kkulbear



Series: i love u, that's the problem [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Coffee Shops, Forbidden Love, Idols, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 20:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19471120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkulbear/pseuds/kkulbear
Summary: Two weeks after The Practice Room Incident; aka two boys who kissed are trying to sort out their feelings that they shouldn't be feeling.





	hand over hand

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKrH8LJ-4u4)

Jongin wrapped his fingers around the paper cup of hot coffee, trying desperately to knock the chill from his bones. With winter, brought a temperature drop that he was never really prepared for. Jongin longed for summer and the sun to embrace him once the slightest hint of fall arrived in the air-- and now with nearly six inches of snow covering the ground and his breath coming out in short puffs visible in the air before him; it him made him long for the sun’s golden warmth more than ever. Jongin inhaled sharply, the freezing air burning his nose and causing his lungs to feel tight. He turned on a dime, walking back into the small coffee shop he had been waiting in previously. He had only stepped out for a second because unfortunately, the coffee shop felt a tad too warm for his woollen turtleneck. The attendant at the register cast a glance at him, paying him no mind when she realised he had already been here. Jongin tugged the mask down from his face, feeling a little exposed and took his seat in the corner. He shrugged off his black padded jacket and let it drape over the back of his chair. He raised his cup to his lips, not tilting it in fear of burning himself on the dark lava and inhaled the rich scent, closing his eyes and letting it fill him. 

The bell at the top of the door jingled and a gust of cold air rushed into the shop. Jongin’s eyes eased open, taking in the view when Kyungsoo stepped through the door. They made quick eye contact under Kyungsoo’s low baseball cap, Jongin couldn’t contain his smile as his eyes dropped back down to his coffee. Kyungsoo approached the counter, also lowering his mask and looking up at the menu on the wall behind the cashier.

“I’ll take a hot chocolate, please.” he said oh-so proper before reaching into his pocket. He slapped his front pockets, then his back, a sigh slipping from between his lips. “Never mind, I think I forgot my wallet.”

Jongin was up in an instant, crossing the floor with a few bills clutched in his hand. “I got it.” he passed the bills to the cashier and nodded at Kyungsoo who just looked at him… Jongin couldn’t read his expression and just placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, offering up a small grin. 

Jongin sat again, waiting for Kyungsoo to make his way over after the barista made his drink. Kyungsoo placed his cup on the table before taking his seat, his cap stayed on and so did his thick jacket.

“Thanks for that.” wrapping his hands around his cup he finally looked across at Jongin.

“Where did you leave your wallet?” 

“Probably in a practice room, it’s not really in the forefront of my mind right now.”

Jongin blinked at him. “It should be, that’s your wallet.”

“You really don’t have to worry for me you know.”

“But I still do.” Jongin sighed, a small grin crept across his face. “I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Kyungsoo looked up from his hot chocolate, thoroughly unamused. Jongin had gotten ballsy since the whole escapade of being kissed by Kyungsoo. Of course he had kissed Kyungsoo first about two weeks before The Practice Room Incident, but since Kyungsoo had kissed him back it meant it was Jongin’s turn again, naturally. 

“What?”

“What happened to shy-and-timid Nini?” Kyungsoo chuckled a bit and looked back down at his drink. Jongin’s stomach felt warm as he could see Kyungsoo’s cheeks get clouded with a rosy glow. He said nothing, keeping the image of Kyungsoo blushing because of something he said tucked away in his mind. “We have an image to uphold, Kim. Try not to jump me in public.”

“Me? You know what you did in that practice room, you didn’t even give me a warning. And my nose! You could’ve broken my nose!” Jongin pouted and crossed one arm over his chest, the other coming to his face as he massaged the bridge of his nose with gentle fingertips. 

Remembering The Practice Room Incident made Jongin fluttery inside-- and god he thought about it all the time. How Kyungsoo’s lips were so soft against his own, Kyungsoo tugging on Jongin’s neck to pull him closer, the fucking wonderful lip bite thing he had done as a finisher. Jongin’s eyes flitted down to Kyungsoo’s lips as he spoke.

“You’re complaining about your nose when you could’ve given me a concussion. I feel like a brain injury outweighs a broken bone. Are you even listening to me?”

Jongin’s eyes snapped back up to Kyungsoo’s. “Of course I am. But your brain isn’t injured now, is it.” he said flatly. “Let me walk you to get your wallet, the building isn’t far from here and since its a Sunday there shouldn’t be too many people out.” 

“Okay, have it your way Nini.” 

* * *

Once they had thrown away their empty cups, they tugged on their coats and ventured out into the cold. The door chimed as Jongin held it open for Kyungsoo, letting him walk out first and tossing a hand over his shoulder to wave goodbye to the cashier. “Thank you.” he called out to her before stepping out himself. The air had a wicked bite to it-- worse than earlier since the sun had begun to set in the sky, giving it a lilac hue dotted with wispy clouds that almost blended into the misty heavens above. They trudged down the sidewalk, surprisingly completely clear of snow and ice. 

Few people ventured onto the sidewalk along with them, most opting to take a taxi or to not even be out at all in this kind of weather. A woman walking toward them split the two, walking between them before the sidewalk opened up in emptiness. Jongin whipped his head back, looking to see if anyone was walking behind them and when it was clear to him that no one was in their vicinity or looking at them, he closed the gap between himself and Kyungsoo, bumping their shoulders together. Kyungsoo took his hand out of his pocket, trailing down Jongin’s arm and finding his hand. He laced their fingers together and quickly drew back, putting their entwined hands in his pocket. 

“You like me, don’t you?” Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo looked up at him through his lashes, doing nothing but giving him a dopey smile.

“And what about it?” 

“Say it. Tell me you like me.”

Kyungsoo sighed, they stopped walking as they stood in front of a small field where a building had once stood long ago but had since been demolished. Kyungsoo stepped into the field, sinking a bit into the snow and pulling Jongin with him. He leaned against the building they had just walked past, Jongin following his movement as his hand was still tucked neatly in Kyungsoo’s pocket. He was mere inches away from the others face.

“It’s so cold that my mouth is numb.” Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s breath against his skin as he looked down at him.

“Want me to warm it up for you?” 

Kyungsoo lightly punched his chest with his free hand. “You’re such a cliché.” he said before pulling him closer.

“Yeah? But you like it. Just like you like me.” Jongin felt on edge, even though they were tucked away they were still pretty close to the street. Any passersby could easily see them or snap a photo… it would be easy for them to be caught in a place such as this and so close to their entertainment building as well. To be honest, Jongin couldn’t care less at that moment with Kyungsoo so close, his mouth so  _ close.  _

“Cocky too.” Kyungsoo took his hand out of his pocket, snaking his arms into the open front of Jongin’s jacket. He wrapped himself around Jongin, tilting his head up and stopping just short of Jongin’s lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

“You really don’t have to ask.”   
  


“I know but I don’t want to--”

“Just kiss me, Nini.”

Jongin drank in Kyungsoo’s scent, his cologne seemingly thicker the closer he drew himself. He cupped his face in his hands, pressing his lips to the elder’s. Kyungsoo leaned into him, breathing deeply as he closed his eyes. Their lips melded together perfectly. Kyungsoo’s lips were thick and soft against his own; he could feel himself getting lost in his being, Kyungsoo’s mouth pressed against his sparked fire within him. Suddenly the air around him that cut sharply against his skin wasn’t so harsh anymore. When they broke apart, their numb noses rubbed together, Jongin’s eyes opening to the sight of a breathless Kyungsoo looking back at him. Jongin’s forehead rested against the others, dropping his hands from Kyungsoo’s cheeks. His mind screamed with a million things he could’ve said in that moment. He wanted to tell him so many things but all he could get put was an almost too-airy “You’re so beautiful.”

Kyungsoo leaned into him, his head tucking into Jongin’s neck and placing feather-light kisses onto his skin. He wrapped his arms tightly around the elders shoulders, rubbing his cheek into his head, Kyungsoo’s hat blocking Jongin’s cheek from making actual contact with his head. Holding him in that bittersweet moment, Jongin was pulled back to the realisation that he and Kyungsoo could never really be together. No matter how many times he kissed him or claimed him silently in his head the crushing reality of the lives they lived always came back to rear its ugly head-- they were idols and they couldn’t be this way. As much as Jongin didn’t want to admit it, he knew well enough that this was nothing but a fantasy.

“I like you.” Kyungsoo said. The simple phrase made Jongin so warm yet cold all at the same time. Pain struck his heart within his chest.

Jongin ruefully pulled away from him, his eyes suddenly tired and he felt like he could cry. He kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead before turning away, lingering for a moment. “Let’s get going before it gets dark. We’ve played our luck enough for tonight.”

The two made it back to the building, swiftly retrieving Kyungsoo’s wallet and making their way to the dorm, catching a taxi as it was across town in another neighbourhood. They got back at around eight when everyone would be in the common area eating together… Honestly, the last thing Jongin really wanted to do was to be around people he just wanted to go to sleep. He really didn’t even feel hungry. When they walked in the doorway, kicking off their shoes before entering into the heart of the dorm, they found it mostly empty to their surprise. Chanyeol was sitting on the long couch that was situated against the far wall of the common area, a big black hoodie swallowing him with his hood up. He had his earbuds tucked into his ears and he barely even noticed they had walked in.

“Where is everyone?” Kyungsoo spoke loudly, making sure he could be heard.

Chanyeol took a headphone out of his ear, twirling it around his finger. “Huh? Oh, almost everyone went out for dinner. Just me and Jongdae are here, he’s in his room.” Chanyeol’s voice sounded more gravelly than usual meaning he had probably been sleeping not long before he found himself here. He locked his phone, sliding it into his muffle pocket. “Where have you guys been?”

“Practicing.” Jongin said. which wasn’t a complete lie, Kyungsoo really had been practicing earlier that day. Chanyeol replied with a solid  _ hm  _ before going back to looking at his phone, curling in on himself on the couch. 

Jongin was home-free; he could go to his room-- although shared with Kyungsoo-- and close his eyes and just cease to exist for a few hours. He and Soo split ways, Kyungsoo heading for the kitchen and Jongin heading straight for their room. He got himself into more comfortable clothes, switching out his jeans and turtleneck for a t-shirt and some flannel sleep pants to help combat the cold air that was still very prominent in their dorm despite their heated floors and despite Jongin’s thick stack of blankets that adorned his bed. He did this all in the dark, not even bothering to turn on the light as he rolled into his bed, the mattress creaking beneath him. He sighed deeply as he stared up at the ceiling, no matter how much he desired to fall asleep, his eyes simply wouldn’t allow him the pleasure. Moonlight leaked heavily into the room and once Jongin’s eyes had adjusted to the lighting he could make out everything in the indigo darkness. He looked over to Kyungsoo’s empty bed, wondering how long it would take him to make it into the room after he had finished eating.

After what felt like forever, Kyungsoo did make it into their room. He had already changed into a white shirt and had shed himself of any pants besides his boxer briefs, being more hot natured he appreciated the extra air against his skin. When he opened the door, his clothes from the day clutched in his hand, Jongin watched as he hovered at the door, only his head in the room as he strained his eyes to see Jongin. He closed the door behind him once he stepped in, throwing the clothes in the laundry basket at the end of his bed.

“Are you asleep?” Kyungsoo sat on the edge of his bed facing him. 

Jongin turned his head as he felt Kyungsoo staring at him in the darkness. Jongin studied him back, looking at how the moonlight shone on him, the smooth plains of his face illuminated. “No.”

“I really do like you, ya know.” He said so matter-of-factly as if he had said it a thousand times.

“I like you too, Soo.” Jongin rubbed at his face with his hands before he propped himself up on his elbows to get a better view of the man before him. “C’mere, baby.” he said, motioning with his hand before letting his head fall back. The pet name slipped out so easily and Jongin hadn’t even meant to say it. He pulled back his covers, scooting to the far side of his bed and making room for Kyungsoo.

He got up from his bed, locking their door to prevent any unwanted visitors in the night or morning before they were actually ready to see anyone, and then quickly made his way to Jongin’s bed. He laid against his chest at first, Jongin’s arm wrapped around him and leaving small kisses on Jongin’s jaw. Kyungsoo turned over before long, his back against Jongin and he moved to accommodate the smaller man. He turned on his side, his arm under Kyungsoo’s head and the other thrown over his hip, quickly finding bare skin where his shirt had ridden up right where his underwear met. Jongin traced lazy circles into him with a soft fingertip, resting his lips on the nape of his neck.

“Why are we doing this.” Jongin thought it sounded more like a statement than a question. He could hear Kyungsoo’s voice wobbling as he spoke.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“This. We aren’t supposed to be like this, you know? This was never supposed to happen.” Jongin’s fingers stilled on Kyungsoo’s hip, his hand riding up to rest at his waist idly.

“I know.” was all Jongin could say. He felt choked up and was afraid to say much else. “Is this just a fling?”

“It kinda has to be, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, you’re right Soo.” Jongin felt a bit numb. Although they hadn’t been doing  _ this _ for long, he’d had his sights set on Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was his dear friend who had been there since the beginning and Jongin had been slowly falling for him ever since they had gotten to know each other. Jongin knew something like this had to happen-- because it was true. This was never supposed to have played out this way, they were groupmates and that’s where their relationship was supposed to stop. But the way Kyungsoo had made him  _ feel.  _ God, it was like he had never actually lived before Kyungsoo was in his life and thinking about being separated seemed almost unbearable. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo seemed unaffected and Jongin could have laughed at the question, letting out a tiny scoff on accident. 

“Of course I am.” Jongin retracted both of his arms from Kyungsoo, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the situation at hand. He rolled over, laying on his opposite side and facing the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He tried his best not to let it be obvious that he was crying.  _ Fuck, I’m pathetic.  _ He thought to himself, biting his lips and taking extra precaution to make himself breathe evenly. 

Jongin was definitely fucking numb now, and he couldn’t wait to feel again. No matter how much it hurt. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this installment :] next part of this series is going to be an actual chaptered fic-- but not a long one, probably only 2-3 chapters, heh. I really hope you enjoyed!! please leave me feedback to let me know if you're enjoying this series so far, i'd really like to know what your opinions are on this.
> 
> find me!  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/chamsaero) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/99nov11)


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